Each of us have been wounded several times. Even now, most are in the midst of loss, pain and suffering. Over the course of several weeks, more news about deaths, infections from Covid19, surgeries, treatments and other disheartening updates weigh one’s heart heavily. Even on a global scale, the situation in Afghanistan, Haiti, US and other countries devastated by fires, earthquakes, storms and floods overwhelm the mind. The fears and anguish etched on the faces of the victims make us tear and feel for them.
There are no amount of words that can comfort someone that has experienced loss. It is a season that someone has to go through. Grieving is a process and has to be undergone in order to heal. We let the tears flow, we let the heart cry, we say our own farewells our way until we reach a point that we are ready to let go.
When my Mother passed away it was my first taste of devastation - a reality check that life here on earth will never be happy and rosy as we want them to be. Being in that period from hearing the news, seeing a lifeless body, preparing for the funeral, receiving condolences and packing away belongings - they all seem surreal. You feel numb and like a zombie you just keep on walking and fulfilling duties. After funeral rites are done and you’re alone, the pain is unbearable. The places and things shared with a loved one that once brought a warm fuzzy feeling suddenly has the opposite effect. You stay strong, however, for the sake of others. You attempt to make things normal as if they’re still there but after much effort, you realize that can never be.
Through the course of time - you have dreams of your loved one alive and smiling on you. You get to tell them what you’ve always wanted to say and spend a beautiful time with them. You wake up drenched in tears and heavy in heart. You realize that you thought you have moved on but subconsciously you’re still grieving.
Welcome those dreams, welcome those tears until there’s no more to shed. They help in one’s journey of moving on. Knowing my Mother’s selfless heart, she would not want sadness to linger. Her wish has always been a sudden death so she won’t be a burden to anyone or allow us to see her leave the earth struggling or ebbing away. She wanted to leave us with beautiful memories.
We move on because we understand that death was the way for the suffering of a loved one to end. We eventually accept that we can not hold on to regrets of not saying or doing what we’ve wanted. This is the consequence we have to go through. However, there’s a lesson to be learned. If we can’t turn back time, there’s still the now and the future. There are still our loved ones and friends around us. There’s still a path we need to trod. We are still alive and breathing and it is a daily choice whether to use it for our good or for our harm. It is a choice whether to be a blessing or a burden to people around us. If our loved one is alive today, they don’t want to see us wallowing in pain and regret. They would want us to live a full life or channel the love reserved for them to those that are alive and mean a lot to them. Instead of dwelling in the past, we heal by living, mending, building and facing the future with no regrets.
Death can happen to us or our loved ones at any time. No one and nothing can stop it. It is our individual destiny. It may be a cliche but we truly have to live each day as if it is our last. The time of loss, grief and mourning makes us realize that. May the scars brought about by wounds caused by life’s storms, make us pause and reflect how we should live our lives.
“It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart.” - Ecclesiastes 7:2
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