(This article is contributed by my friend Andrea Gorge. Enjoy reading and share your thoughts.)
With Valentine's Day just around the corner, I thought I would take this opportunity to air one of my long-observed grievances. I have often experienced men who expect women to do the chasing instead of the other way around. They will offer me their number and invite me to use it if I'm interested, perhaps as a means to sidestep the vulnerability that comes with asking a woman out, knowing that she can refuse them on impact. Someone once asked me for my Facebook account. When I told him I didn't have one, the conversation ended there. While I was avoiding social media, I most certainly had a phone.
Even nature generally seems to agree with me. Our Planet on Netflix has me convinced. Never did I realize the extravagance of brightly coloured male birds compared to their near-homely looking female counterparts. Why? Because in God's creation, it's the males who bob and dance to impress their potential mates, not the other way around. Yet, how often have I witnessed church scenes where 1-2 guys are surrounded by a congregation of women? I rarely see the opposite.
Maybe this is a sign of my age or the changing times. Perhaps I've simply indulged in one too many musicals or period pieces. This week alone, my mom and I watched Rogers and Hammerstein's South Pacific and Jane Austen's British romance, Persuasion. I practically grew up on this stuff. And to be fair, does it raise my expectations and potentially make things difficult for your Average Joe? Probably. Who wouldn’t want a well-established gentleman coming by to drop off their calling card in the hopes that he will be permitted to get to know you better!? But then again, I'm not exactly a mannerly, parasol-twirling hourglass eighteenth-century woman myself.
And beneath all of my bluster, the truth is that I've often made myself the pursuer and aggressor out of fear that I lack the true value and worth needed to be chosen as a mate. I’m afraid God is saying, "not yet" because I haven't developed the skills necessary to be a successful wife.
I've been so obsessed with marriage over the years, not out of a desire to serve and demonstrate Christ's love, but rather for affirmation and approval from men and my peers. Instead of focusing on what I think needs to change about Christian men, I’m now trying to focus on what needs to change in me. Whether it’s allowing the Holy Spirit to teach me to walk uprightly or trusting that singleness is the good thing I need right now, I need to learn how to rest on His promises and just wait.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. (Psalm 84:11 ESV)
“I will wait for you”
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