Who doesn’t love gossip? The controversial headlines on magazines, entertainment shows and online media grab our attention. We want to know what rumors are circulating behind celebrities and famous figures – be it their love lives, their families or anything outrageous they have done lately. We then discuss these latest alleged scandals with our friends or coworkers and form our own opinions on the matter. Sadly, it is happening within our personal lives as well. We may have been an active participant in the proliferation of unconfirmed news, or we have been the victim or target of malicious rumors. Either way, it is ugly, sad, damaging and always have disastrous outcomes.
Since we were kids, we do have our circle of friends or favorites. Alternately, we do have others that we feel have unacceptable behavior. Unfortunately, we form our own idea of what unacceptable behavior is. More unfortunate is the fact that we don’t have the right standards and these criteria may come from cultural and other popular influences that time. We shun that person from our group or talk behind his/her back. If someone offers kindness to that person, we reject them as well. We learn at an early age, the cost of taking part on these quarrels that result to broken friendships and tainted reputations. For some, it would have been a bitter lesson that spurred maturity in the aspect of relationships. On the other hand, for some it is a bondage and still prevalent in adult life.
Among Filipinos, we have a bad trait unfairly labeled to us. It is called crab mentality. Wikipedia defines this as “… a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you". The metaphor is derived from a pattern of behavior noted in crabs when they are trapped in a bucket. While any one crab could easily escape, its efforts will be undermined by others, ensuring the group's collective demise. The analogy in human behavior is claimed to be that members of a group will attempt to reduce the self-confidence of any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of envy, resentment, spite, conspiracy or competitive feelings, to halt their progress.” We acknowledge that this does happen and not limited to our own culture only. It is part of our fallen and corrupt human nature – the envy, lies, hatred, pulling each other down and stirring conflict in the community.
We should shudder if we are part of the problem rather than the solution as the Lord absolutely hates this. Proverbs 6:16-19 says, “There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.”
No one is exempt on this because of our fallen nature. Only through the changing power of Jesus Christ can we stop this and develop a loving heart, become an agent of peace, and have controlled emotions. On our own strength, we can never change our ways. In addition, this is a result of deeper personal problems – could be a poor sense of self-worth brought about by damaged childhood, wrong role models and so on. There’s this quote, “Hurt people hurt people” which has truth to it. We must surrender our hurts to the Lord, for us to experience positive and thriving relationships.
The next time a gossip comes our way, may the Lord grant us the grace to flee from it. May we remind the bearer to be careful as we are talking about the person behind his/her back. We don’t want that to happen to us so let’s not do it to other people. If a friend wants to vent out and seek opinion on the matter, may the Lord grant us discernment, objectivity, and wisdom on how to contribute on the resolution of the matter instead of its further aggravation. More importantly, if we have a grudge to a person, may the Lord grant us the courage to deal with it directly to the person and not start an “army” against them. May our steps be always motivated with love. If we have heard anything negative about us – may we ask the Lord for wisdom on how to process it, surrender our hurt/anger/bitterness to Him and seek guidance on how to act on it, the right way. We know our standing with the Lord and if our conscience is clear, He will be the one to vindicate us. However, if there is truth to it, may the Lord grant us the humility to admit our faults, ask for forgiveness and learn from our mistakes.
May we seek God's grace to filter the thoughts that come our way and not lace these with malice. This verse is posted on my wall that serves as a reminder for myself since this is a constant struggle. I pray that it would be a guide and blessing to you as well. This is for our own peace of mind and those around us. “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.” – Philippians 4:8
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