I still remember how my heart sank the moment I found out via rapid test that I was Covid positive. Various emotions were swirling around me. There was fear of not knowing if the symptoms I was experiencing were just the beginning and that there will be more life-threatening ones ahead. There was anxiety that I have passed it on to family members in the house especially my 84-year-old father. Beyond our circle, the worry extended further to those friends I have come in contact that may have been exposed. There was shame of how I have allowed this to happen, disrupting holiday plans for the family. Finally, there was uncertainty of what the next few days would look like for us. If I have let the negative emotions take over me, I would have been a complete wreck. I would just be immobilized and would not have the right state of mind on how to move forward. The news media outlets fueled more chaos and disorientation with the reports of surging numbers – making it look like the end of the world.
At that moment of darkness and desperation, the only answer was to surrender all the fear, anxiety, shame, and uncertainty to my Lord Jesus Christ. I can’t describe the peace that washed over me after I laid everything to Him in prayer. He reminded me of His promises of His goodness and faithfulness. He reminded me of His greatness and sovereignty. He reminded me that He is not surprised at all and that through this trial, He is in control and He has a firm purpose. I had a list of whys that I had to let go and trust the One that holds me in His mighty hand.
Little by little, I focused on the blessings and things that I am thankful for. My niece (our nurse in the family) administered rapid tests to us, and I was relieved that everyone else was negative. The only one left was my nephew because the kit only contained tests for 5. My niece also found slots for PCR testing for all of us the next day. My sis-in-law and brother had the presence of mind to disinfect the whole house and double up the sanitary measures. I am thankful that no one else in the family got infected. During my isolation in my room, they brought food and am thankful that I have what I needed and that I did not have to go out. I am thankful for the love, care, and their presence. I am thankful for the outpouring of prayers, support, calls and messages from loved ones and friends. We greatly appreciate the gifts and offers of help. They are indeed the physical manifestations of God’s love. Another friend who got infected at the same time (we were exposed at the same place/event), we journeyed through this challenge together by comparing notes, doing video calls, and just updating each other during the isolation period. We were thankful of the medical advances and more knowledge about Covid19 at this stage. Through vaccination, our symptoms were milder compared to the early waves of the pandemic. The sense of smell and taste was still there for us to enjoy the food during the holidays. Focusing on these bright spots did wonders in my heart and mind.
I am sharing my experience because there is just so much fear and darkness enveloping us these days. We can break free from all of it. One major lesson that I have learned is to surrender everything, count each blessing and live to the fullest, one day at a time. These negative emotions if we let them can certainly rob us of the joy and productivity of each day. They can steal our precious sleep and rest. They can paralyze us from moving forward. It is indeed the battle of the mind. Praise God because if you belong to Him, the battle is not yours, but His.
Regret is another emotion that I must let go to move forward. This I believe is key as we face this new year. There are too many “what if” scenarios playing in my mind. However, I must come to terms that it already happened. I don’t have a way to change my past, but I have control of how I can face today and tomorrow. I have learned the lesson of caution, of putting into practice the right sanitary measures and limiting my social commitments.
The future is indeed uncertain and while we are still on this earth, we cannot avoid calamities, trials, and challenges. As we face the year, may we learn to let go and focus on the present. I know that most of us are currently experiencing trials or have just survived a tragedy/catastrophe. I pray that we continue to call on and trust the One that holds our future. The answer may not be immediate, but the assurance of peace, joy and calm amidst the storm is instantaneous. Having this right frame of mind, will enable us to face the present with confidence and rebuild our lives, one day at a time.
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” – Philippians 4:4-8
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