In one of the ladies’ group studies, we cover Gary Chapman’s book, “God Speaks Your Love Language”. It is a spin off from his bestseller book, “The 5 Love Languages” where he highlights everyone having primary and secondary love languages. At times, we don’t feel loved because there is disconnect between another person’s understanding of our love language and vice versa. This is applicable not only between husband-wife, boyfriend-girlfriend but also parent-child, among friends, other family members, and more. What is considered expression of love by another person may not be interpreted the same way as the other.
The five love languages are: first “Words of Affirmation” – this is using words to affirm another person. The words may be spoken, written, or even sung. Second is “Quality Time” which is giving someone your undivided attention. It could be planning an event for someone and it’s not the activity that is important, but the time spent together. Third is “Gifts” – this is giving a tangible present to someone. It does not need to be expensive, even little tokens that signifies that person thought of you, counts a lot. Fourth is “Acts of Service” – this is doing something that you know the other person would love. As simple as getting the groceries, cooking, or running errands for that person, would make the heart full. Last but not the least is “Physical Touch” – since we are born and held by our Mothers, that physical touch automatically creates a bond. For some, an embrace, a pat in the back goes a long way.
Conflicts arise when we don’t know the primary love language of the other person. I’ll just put as an example between husband-wife and I believe one of the common scenarios. Say the wife’s love language is Acts of Service. For her receiving love notes, hearing compliments may be empty and not as impactful as helping with the chores in the house. The wife may start to be critical of the husband for not helping enough or even not feeling loved at all. If the husband’s primary love language is Words of Affirmation, then words cut deep resulting to pain and hurt.
In our most recent meeting, we studied Chapter 2 on Words of Affirmation. It captured my attention as this is my primary love language. It made me remember my Mom who understood this and all through my growing up years until her time on earth was done, she has never failed to fill my heart to the brim with words of encouragement, inspiration and compliments. As a result, her love made me feel secure, safe, and confident as a person. I knew that whatever came during those years, my Mom was there and would always support me. The affirming love that I have received gave me wings to dream big and the assurance that anything I set my mind to achieve is possible.
As we celebrate Mother’s Day, we honour our Mothers who take great lengths to understand us, our love language and strive hard to affirm us. If I get to speak to Mama today, I will thank her for all the sacrifices she has done – for not buying stuff for herself but saving as much as she can to buy what my brother and I needed the most, for giving up sleep in order to nurse us when we are sick, for standing up against anyone who would bully or harm us, for doing most of the chores so we can focus on our studies, for setting up a mini-classroom to teach us on various subjects, for going into different trades in order to augment the family income, for shielding us from any personal issues so as not to make us worry, for keeping the house in tip-top shape at all times so we can be comfortable, for ensuring we look our best always, for cooking the best food, for creating the fondest memories of life's momentous occasions, for listening to our endless chatter about our issues, for setting up as an example of a life of grace, kindness and generosity, for equipping us on how to live independently, for not limiting nor stopping us from having big dreams, for opening up a world full of possibilities, for accepting our flaws, for forgiving our mistakes, for being proud of us, for being our number one fan and most of all, for loving us unconditionally. I will tell her, “Look Ma, the dreams that we had together have become a reality!”
Mothers are the extension of God’s love who embodies a kind of love that is genuine, unconditional, boundless, and immeasurable. God who speaks all the love languages blessed us with Mothers who can carry us through this world. Praise be His Name!
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